9 Texting Mistakes To Avoid

On March 10, 1876, inventor Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call to his assistant, Thomas Watson. It was a simple call: “Mr. Watson, come here. I want to see you.” 

We’ve come a long way since then. The 20th century saw phone lines span the country and then oceans, and the devices themselves transformed from rotary dials to push buttons, and from corded to cordless versions. Then came mobile phones, which turned into smartphones. 

Each iteration brought a unique set of rules and etiquette. Bell originally suggested answering the phone with an enthusiastic “Ahoy!” But another inventor, Thomas Edison, proposed “Hello!” — and it was this alternative greeting that was adopted widely when telephone companies included it in their instruction manuals. 

Today, it’s much more likely for someone to exchange dozens of text messages in a day than to even think about making a telephone call, and texting etiquette is more nuanced than what to say as a greeting. Indicators such as tone and volume are lost through text messaging, so more weight is placed on word choice, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and emoji usage. 

Texting etiquette changes across generations, as well. Friends in their 60s will text differently than those in their teens, and messages will likely be different if someone is texting their boss versus their mother. 

Do you know what kind of hidden messages you might be sending with your texts? Let’s review some of the most common mistakes.

Periods can cause miscommunication over text. As texting lingo developed, it became common for people to send texts without periods to shorten the messages. The lack of any final punctuation kept the conversation open and flowing. Now, ending short sentences with periods in texts can feel more aggressive than intended. A period after “OK,” for example, reads as a conversation ender, or even suggests that you’re angry with your texting partner. 

Unlike with periods, people tend to be liberal with exclamation points in text messages. They’re not reserved solely for excitement — they also convey warmth and friendliness. Use an exclamation point when you want to sound cheerful or agreeable, especially with millennial and Gen Z texters.

On the other side of the generational spectrum, boomers have a tendency to use ellipses to end their texts. A younger texter might read this with a passive-aggressive tone, instead of as a simple replacement for a period, so it can cause confusion. If you do want to use ellipses to indicate an ongoing thought (or to add an eye-rolling tone on purpose), try to limit your usage to where it really matters.  

Emojis add character and fun to your text messages, but it’s easy to overuse them. As digital communication continues to expand in every area of our lives, you might find yourself texting with your doctor’s office, a child’s teacher, or in any other number of contexts more professional in nature. In these circumstances, skip the emojis and reserve them for messages to family and friends. 

Keep in mind that there’s room for interpretation with emojis. A smiley face can add a friendly tone to your text, but many emojis also have hidden subtexts. (The eggplant emoji does not mean your garden is thriving.) If someone uses an emoji you’re unfamiliar with, just ask what it means. You might gain some knowledge about how to add nuance to your emoji vocabulary. 

If you initiate a conversation with someone and ask a question, following up too quickly before your texting partner has had a chance to respond can read as a little rude. It’s fair to give people time to pick up their phone, read, and digest before replying. Take a look at your text chain. If you see a string of messages from your side within a short period of time, take a break and let the other person respond. In dating contexts, a “double text” can indicate one party is a little too eager. Letting someone reply before you send a follow-up is better etiquette.

The other side of the coin is waiting too long to get back to someone. If you receive a question, especially one that requires a timely answer, it’s appropriate to get back to them quickly. You can also choose to acknowledge the question and promise to get back to them later. And if you’re the one waiting on an urgent reply, it might be better to pick up the phone and call for an answer.

If a message doesn’t require a reply but you still want to acknowledge that you read it, the latest iteration of smartphone texting allows icon responses to texts. You can tap on a message and leave a heart, a thumbs up, a thumbs down, or another emoji as a response. It’s a good way to get back to someone, even if you don’t have something specific to say. 

When someone sends you a short question, it’s best to respond with a short answer instead of an essay-length text with more context than necessary. At the same time, if someone sends you a long message explaining their feelings about a topic, a short message that just says “OK” can seem dismissive. You don’t have to respond to every point raised in a long message, but it’s important to acknowledge it in a matching tone. You can also send a message that you’ll get back to them when you have more time. 

A great stride in texting technology was the creation of group texts. When you’re planning a party or an outing, or sharing the same information with several people, a group chat is an efficient texting strategy. But unless there’s an ongoing rapport among everyone on the list, it’s best to use group texts sparingly so you’re not inundating people.

If you’re added to a group text about planning dinner, for example, make sure to respond only with necessary information about attendance. If it’s a big group, no one wants a stream of lengthy messages clogging up the thread. 

Conversely, a social group chat is exactly that: a space to socialize. The freedom to text with your friends regularly, whether they live close by or far away, makes group chats a great place for sharing news, inside jokes, and life updates. Just make sure you recognize everyone in the chat. You could get added to one where you don’t know all of the members and accidentally share sensitive information.  

Being funny isn’t impossible over text, but it’s harder. For example, sarcasm doesn’t always land without the accompanying vocal tone. Leaning into Chandler Bing tendencies may work in person, but over text, it can be confusing or read as snarky. 

You should also be clear when you’re telling a joke over text, especially with someone you don’t speak to very often. The more you get to know someone over text, the less you’ll have to specify tone. Anything that doesn’t work without the tone of your voice or the expression on your face will probably need clarification. (Here’s where an emoji 😂 can come in handy.)

There are certain things you simply don’t want to say over text message. Whether it’s good news or bad news, some information may require a phone call. Older folks are likely comfortable with speaking on the phone, but younger people may try to avoid it whenever possible. Before calling, consider sending a quick text message to ask if your friend is available to talk. With the ubiquity of texting, many people now prefer a heads-up.