Some people will do anything to avoid confrontation. You might try “smoothing things over,” “keeping the peace,” or “turning a blind eye.” But if you want to display some of your displeasure or dislike, while still avoiding a direct confrontation, you might “give someone the cold shoulder.”
This idiom refers to demonstrating indifference or anger through being rude or entirely ignoring someone else. It’s not the best method to deal with a problem, but it’s far from the worst.
The origin of “cold shoulder” might come from old-fashioned dining etiquette. If you have a guest and serve them a cold shoulder of mutton, you’re giving them a negative experience. In one sense, cold mutton was once considered a poor man’s meal, but if a dish was intended to be hot and it came out cold, it could be a sign your host doesn’t think much of you and doesn’t put care into the service.
The Scottish poet Walter Scott used cauld shouther (“cold shoulder” in the Scots language) in his 1816 novel The Antiquary. His affinity for the phrase came up again in his 1823 novel St. Ronan’s Well: “I must tip him the cold shoulder, or he will be pestering me eternally.” Since these two written references were not about food, and instead about the physical action of turning your back on someone, it’s likely the idiom comes from a more literal usage than the former theory.
You can use “cold shoulder” as both a noun and a verb: “To cold-shoulder someone” has the same meaning as “to give someone the cold shoulder. Even though it can be rude, cold-shouldering is employed regularly on sitcoms to heighten the comedy effect between characters. The dynamic between April Ludgate and Ann Perkins on Parks and Recreation is all about April giving Ann the cold shoulder through indifference or deliberately misunderstanding her. It makes it all the more satisfying when Ann and April have an emotional moment or work on something together.
Outside of TV shows, the cold shoulder might feel right in the moment of conflict, but it’s always better to use your words.
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